That time I did a blog cleanse. -Forever This Much.

In case you haven’t noticed, I’ve been absent. Very absent. I think my blogging schedule is up to like…once every 50 days on average, which is ~~cool~~ lame. It is now the end of February, but at the beginning of the year, I did something that I referred to as a “blog cleanse” for 40 days. 40 days because it coincided with a prayer challenge that my church was doing, one part of which was to give up a time sucker for 40 days.

At first I thought, Facebook. Then I thought, Instagram. Then, with horror, I gasped as my biggest personal time sucker of all occurred to me: blogs. Reading them. Surfing them. Commenting them. [Hardly ever] writing them. Scrolling through them aimlessly. Reading about and pinning crafts, hairstyles, decorating tips, relationship advice, funny anecdotes, adorable kids, hilarious memes, insightful articles, organization ideas, marketing tools, product reviews, social outrage, make up tutorials, style inspirations, wedding suggestions– you get it. You name it, there’s a blog [or a million], and I love reading them. I love reading other women’s [cause let's face it, I don't read any male blogs at all] thoughts and perspectives on whatever it is they want to talk about or teach me about; I love getting new ideas and seeing what genius things more creative minds than my own have thought up.

But when I thought about how much time I spend reading blogs and the way I read them, I realized something else: I don’t just get inspired when I read. I get envious, and I get a serious case of the wants. I want a gorgeous house to decorate with my newest thrifting and Pottery Barn sale finds! I want a hot pink Zara blazer to pair with my cuffed boyfriend jeans and polka dot pumps! I want to go on awesome, frequent vacations and post amazing vacation photos! I want beautiful children that always do cute things when I’m holding my iPhone camera in front of them! In short, I want a beautiful life that looks beautiful when documented in blog form, and I want people to love reading about my life and hang on my every word and photo.

I do not have any of those things I just listed.*

Okay, but here’s the thing. I do have a beautiful life. I live in what I consider to be the best part of my country [NorCal! Rep it til I die.], in three months I am going to marry the best man in the world, my friends are seriously awesome, my family is indescribably great, and I have a job that is both flexible and allows me to be financially comfortable and save enough to contribute to my [our] truly kick ass wedding. Oh, I also have pretty cute clothes, good medical insurance, and I enjoy my hair [important steps to happiness, people.].

When I thought about my want-prone heart, and my blog addiction, I quit. For 40 days, I didn’t read a single blog. It was really tough, guys. I even had to actively reject links from my mom for Book Week by Jones Design Company and many links from my sisters about kids in cute clothes. I didn’t read wedding blogs. I didn’t read my favorite daily blog on celebrity fashion [Tom & Lorenzo in case you're wondering]. I didn’t even read any Tumblrs!! Yes, that’s right. I basically gave up the internet, and it was hard.

But it was also nice. It wasn’t like I was immediately 100% satisfied with my life– unfortunately it takes more heart-work than giving up blogs to do that. But it did make a difference. It wasn’t something I noticed directly right away; it was more like that feeling of peace you get when you stop doing something you didn’t even realize was stressing you out. Like when you get your alignment fixed on your car, and you suddenly feel like it’s a lot easier to drive, even though you didn’t consciously realize it was always trying to run off the left side of the road before. You know what I mean?

I obviously haven’t given up blogs for life. I love blogs, and I love the internet, and I really love hilarious memes. It’s just that sometimes, it’s nice to identify what’s pulling you off the side of the road, and let it go for a while. My blog obsession has quieted significantly since my blog cleanse, and I like that. Obsession with anything isn’t great [you heard me, instagram!]. And I’m feeling a little more secure about documenting my own beautiful life, despite the fact that I don’t live in New York or have the cutest kids in the world, or have a professional photographer to take my outfit pictures. I’m kind of feeling like maybe what makes a life beautiful is thankfulness. That’s lame and cheesy. Sorry. Sometimes cheesy and true intersect, and I can’t help it.

This got really long, so thanks for reading if you made it all the way down here have a beautiful day.